Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
