There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
