My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
