Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
