at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
