Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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