I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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