if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
