Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
