How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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