We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize