I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
