I think my vagina is haunted
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
