sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
