i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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