sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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