Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
