Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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