Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
