Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
