someone owes me an orgasm
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
