so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
