roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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