but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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