Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
