last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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