yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
