I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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