i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
