Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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