final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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