fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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