cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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