tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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