someone threw a dead crab at me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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