Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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