Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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