He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
