College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
