Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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