it's too hot outside to masturbate.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize