Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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