pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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