everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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