You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
