I want to stick my p in your. b.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
