I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
