So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
