Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
