I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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