Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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