I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.