why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?