Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
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just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season