Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha