ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.