i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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