After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
