Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
