Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
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I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
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we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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