census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
