walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
