she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
