saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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