Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
